My spouse of 20 years has advised me she has been getting an affair for the previous year. She justified it by declaring that she has no sexual curiosity in me any more, to the issue that she feels numb when we have sexual intercourse. She suggests all the things else in our marriage is best. We are the two suit and very good-looking, we get on very very well and we get pleasure from holiday seasons with our daughter. But, irrespective of my requests, she won’t stop the affair, for the reason that she is savoring the sex. I am incredibly harm by this. I would like to do partners therapy to try out to function factors out, but she refuses, as she thinks it would be a waste of time – that, when lost, desire can in no way occur back again.
It is not legitimate that need cannot occur back again, but there are apparent difficulties in your marriage, given that there need to be willingness to consider from each associates. You are staying remarkably stoical about this and I wonder why. Has your entire relationship been like this? If you can be patient, you may well hold out for her affair to shed its punch, but that would be agonizing and dangerous. Couples therapy could support, but if she won’t agree to it I propose you look for specific treatment, as you evidently have to have assist. At the pretty minimum, you could search for responses to why you enable her to get in touch with the shots.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-primarily based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual problems.